Review: 'Log Jammers' (PC)

'Log Jammers' is a Kickstarter-funded video game. 'Log Jammers' is a Kickstarter-funded video game. MEGA CAT STUDIOS

If somehow Mega Cat Studios' Log Jammers were to manage to sneak itself onto your system, it might take you a while to figure out exactly what it is. Fortunately, you have me here for that. When the game boots up you are greeted by the most retro, late 1980s title screen imaginable. If your ears and retinas survive the assault, you are treated to the game proper. But what is the game? Pong. But with axes. And power ups.

I'm going to be honest here: there isn't much to this game. The graphics and sounds are certainly right out of the '80s, but not in a pleasant, nostalgic way. More a goofy, try-hard way. As far as the game mechanics, you play as one of eight or so characters that balance on a log while hurling axes at your opponent. Well, let me be clear. AN ax. If you can snake the ax past your opponent into one of the scoring areas, you gain points. First one past ten points wins the round, first to win three rounds wins the game.

And that's it. Yes, there are some goofy levels like the peaceful river, the community pool, a mayonnaise factory, and the mouth of Hell, but nothing about it really changes anything. The characters are just as bad, with a lumberjack, a skeleton, a zombie, a zombie bear, and a few others floating around. They all have different stats, but it's hard to decipher what their stats actually mean (one is called “Swole.”) As far as game modes, you have quick matches, tournaments, and online play, meaning there's really nothing to keep you engaged for very long. There's a second match type called “cheerleader” which adds a row of cheerleaders on trampolines between you and your goal that must be, shall we say, “removed” before you can score, but even then, all it does is add extra work without any extra fun.

The game has no story beyond character bios, no real variety in game play, and no tutorial. Despite that last item, I was still able to figure out that the AI is miserable and can be defeated by waiting in one corner and throwing after they've moved out of the way. Seriously, I ran through tournament mode without a loss after discovering that little trick.

There's nothing inherently bad about the game, it's just empty and boring. It feels like a joke game that might be in an arcade in Grand Theft Auto, something you'd play for thirty seconds and then move on from. It's lacking in content, challenge, and fun. I played this game for a week and my initial reaction to it was exactly the same as my final reaction: there's nothing to this game. Once you've played a single round, you've pretty much played the whole thing.  The graphics and music are awful, even if they're trying to be that way, the challenge is more or less over once you figure out how to exploit the bad AI, and most of all, the game feels empty. So what can I say about Log Jammers? They took Pongand complicated it. Unfortunately, that complication didn't add any fun to the mix.

Final Score: 4 out of 10

A copy of this game was provided for the purpose of review.

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